I have a lot to say about this. First of all it words so
eloquently what I have trouble saying out loud sometimes. Most times. It shows
the true feelings I have when I hear people I love hate themselves for being a
fraction of the size that I am. I am big. I am fat. I don't say this in a self
deprecating manner. I say it because it is my truth. I have grown up and lived
in a world where fat=bad. So for a very VERY long time, I have lived in shame
of my fatness. But I don't anymore. I can't say that everyday I wake up and
love every inch of my curvaceous body. I can’t say that everyday I wake up and
hate it either. I have come to a point in my life, where my fatness is just
that. Fatness. It’s not bad. It doesn’t make me a bad person. It doesn’t make
me less intelligent. Less aesthetic for the male eye. It doesn’t define the
kind of love I can give nor my aspirations in life. It doesn’t mean that I have
no confidence or no self control. My fatness is not a result of 100% poor
choices and laziness. My fatness is a result of a plethora of things. Whether I
decide to rid myself of my fatness is up to me and me only. Too long I’ve had
to endure comments, advice, well intentioned words about what I should do with
my body. Too long I have been in shame and dammit it’s EXHAUSTING. Only I get
to decide how to feel about my body. So why have I gone so long allowing others
to make that decision for me? Whether it was my mother berating me about my bag
of Hott Cheetos or my father pinching my belly fat or my sister talking about
how fat she is at 117 lbs or her husband giving me a disapproving look when I
get a large breakfast with pancakes or my boss recommending a great diet or
when it’s a friend who for the first time in their life they have been over
weight and they’re just so in hate with their body; IT. FUCKING. HURTS. It’s
always someone I love saying something with great intentions. It’s always
someone pointing out that I’m beautiful even if I’m fat. DAMN. STRAIGHT. I. AM.
I am a loving, caring machine. I have internal beauty that outshines external.
I have the capacity to forgive, to love, to understand, to care; I am an
amazing listener, I don’t judge, (99% of the time. I reserve the 1% for people
like Drumpf or Mary Fallin) I am understanding, a hard worker, eager to always
learn something. I am beautiful AND fat. And it’s okay to say that to me. It’s
okay to acknowledge it. I would rather the truth be spoken than someone try to
hide their disdain for my fatness by replacing fat with some pretty adjective
they come up with instead. Goddammit I have goals. I have aspirations in life.
I DO CARE that I’m fat. I am not 100% okay with my body, and I never will be if
I know everyone around me isn’t okay with it too. I decide when and how I lose
weight. I decide to lose weight or not to lose weight. I am sick of constantly
hanging my head in shame and quite frankly I am sick of the self-deprecating
manner in which my non fat friends and family behave. Please click on the link
I’m sharing here and please for the love of God… Follow the advice. It’s a
vicious cycle that needs to be broken.
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