Adulthood Joys

We are two weeks into the new year. It’s been pretty good so far, and unlike most I plan on staying positive. Nothing has happened yet to show me otherwise. Work has been okay, school is about to start, money is about to be tight. Oh the joys of adulthood. Whoever said college was for everyone FLAT OUT LIED. It’s not for everyone. And when it is for someone, it’s not always for them right out of high school. I don’t for a single minute regret not going through straight out of high school. Since going BACK to college, I have had amazing grades and a much more serious desire to get my “higher education”. The two semesters I did (one as a concurrently enrolled high school student and one after graduation) sucked. Okay, that’s not entirely true. I sucked as a student my first semester OUT of high school. I didn’t take things seriously, I didn’t like the schedule. I wanted to make money, not spend it or lose it because of school. I was not fortunate enough to have college paid for. What little help I did have, I took it for granted. What I have learned along the way is that all this is okay. I owe no one in particular when it comes to my life. I have found the inspiration to return to school and get a degree and that’s all that matters. Doesn’t mean paying for it doesn’t suck. Haha

My mom told me one day that had we never came here, I would most likely already have a degree and be working in whatever career my degree was for. In Mexico the education system is a little different than here in the states. I would like to think that the person I am might have had the same outcome there as I’ve had here. The reality is that I have fewer opportunities for a higher education because of my non-citizenship status here in the states. I could have done any number of things to be able to go to school, but I didn’t have the desire or the drive honestly. At one point in my life I regretted every “wrong” decision I made about school during my early adult life. It wasn’t until one of my college professors reminded me that I’m still young and that I had every right to fuck up. That’s when I realized that the possibility of “failure” never seemed one that I felt I had privilege to. It wasn’t that anyone told me that I HAD to succeed, or that failure was not an option, I guess I just sort of felt that myself, I set that expectation up for myself. Now I get that my mistakes aren’t something to be ashamed of. It’s completely fine that I didn’t jump straight to getting a degree. I had no clue what I really wanted to do. Even now I question myself and I’m much further in to my degree than before.

Questioning myself has always been a part of who I am. I am most likely going to continue doing it. I have to learn to have more confidence in myself when it comes to making decisions. Oh the joys of adulthood indeed...