Fuck fuck fuck I'm tired.
Don't stop don't stop. You have consistently posted Thursday after Thursday.
The blog name really needs to change dude.
What the hell else should I call this thing?
School started for me today! YAY! I'm almost there. I'm almost there! And yet... I'm not anywhere near the finish line. This is the aftermath of not staying in school consistently. Which leads me to another side effect of the "go to school quit school go to school FUCK SCHOOL" game, the shame and regret I once felt for being a twenty something with no degree. Yes, shame and guilt are feelings I'm very familiar with. Shame and guilt have been a constant presence in my life for many reasons, but for the sake of this post I'll stay on the shame and guilt I felt for being a loser with no degree. Here I was a young innocent girl thinking I had the limitless possibilities promised within the American Dream. Maybe it was me, maybe it was my circumstances. Maybe it was a mixture of circumstance and piss poor attitude. Finally deciding to go back to school took courage (and a little bit of stress/heartbreak) but once I took the reins and said "fuck it I'm gonna do this" it felt liberating.
Things I've accepted:
1. Higher education is at anyone's disposal, but that doesn't mean they HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE. It's not for everyone. Whatever the reason. Some people just don't have it in them (the desire that is) and THAT IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FINE.
2. If I'm 80 by the time I get my degree THAT'S OKAY TOO. This is something I decided to do for myself. Not for anyone else, so the shame and guilt I once felt is gone simply because I came to the realization that me having or not having a degree wouldn't really affect anyone but ME. See the beauty is it's a CHOICE and I finally made the choice to go through with it. No one is forcing me. No one is saying to me "you're a dummy if you don't get a degree." No one ever really did. I just sort of felt that offhanded peer envy. Most of my friends from high school have degrees and careers, YAY FOR THEM! And YAY for the ones who don't! As long as people are living a life that's fulfilling to them then that's all that matters!
3. School is hella expensive, but the payout is worth it in the end. I'll have a little piece of paper that says, "Naroba knows some shit about _________" and Naroba really likes to show people she knows stuff so that is fucking awesome.
4. I'm now past shame and guilt, now I'm in the "I'm glad I finally decided and went back" because I've never been as great a student as I have been the last 3 semesters. I really believe that my circumstances have made me desire to be that student that goes above and beyond, which I was never like that in my past life btdubs.
So the post wasn't as short as I thought it would be. Thoughts now?
GO TO BED.
My sleep schedule really sucks right now.
GO TO FUCKING BED WOMAN.
bye!
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